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What Am I Getting?


Were you disappointed on Valentine’s Day because your sweetie didn’t acknowledge you or get you the gift you wanted? Or maybe you spent V-Day sulking over the fact that you lack a sweetie?

One of the main reasons I hear from men as to why they don’t care for this holiday is because of the undue, commercialized air of expectation it sets on them to show the women in their lives how much they love them. Whether on cards, candy, stuffed animals, flowers and dinner, a lot of money is spent on Valentine’s Day as people outwardly express their love for each other.

But isn’t that a trait that should be exuded throughout the life of a relationship or marriage?

I see in general tendency in men to either downplay, ignore, or become annoyed by the emphasis we ladies put on holidays, birthdays and anniversaries. “So much to remember… What’s the big deal?… and other underwhelming responses are typical from them. One friend put it like this: “The typical attitude of women when it comes to Valentine’s Day is “What am I getting?” ”

Don’t get me wrong, I, as many women do, appreciate and sometimes even crave the attention from a man whom I’m involved with. But what happens when that attention doesn’t come on V-Day, or another special day in our lives?

Our feelings get hurt.

Now ladies, I’m not taking their side. Sometimes we SHOULD be doted on and catered to. But it’s a balance. I wouldn’t expect to get more than I was giving in a relationship.

As for those who are unhappily/discontentedly single, I’d ask you to step and cherish this time and season in your life. You may not have gotten the candy, cuddles and kisses you craved on V-Day, but you also didn’t have any arguments, set-ups or misunderstandings either. Take a look at yourself and the energy and effort you put into being upset or lonely, and put that into your own interests and bettering yourself.

In my new book, “What’s Wrong With Me?,” I talk about self-love and other issues that we ladies (teens and up) need to get right before getting involved in a romantic relationship, expecting someone to love us or do for us. And the new companion Reflections Journal allows you to get in touch with your feelings and outlook at various different aspects of your world.

One of the 5 love languages discussed in Dr. Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages series of books is gifts (the others are acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation). But it’s a mistake to expect people to love you the way YOU want them to. You first need to understand what you need, then convey that to your partner to get on common ground. Everyone’s love language and capacity to love varies, but often we expect to receive love the way we want it without a deep discussion about it, and we have a natural tendency to give love in the way WE want to receive it.

Why wait for someone else to love you? If you love you, it won’t be long before either someone comes along to love you, or you stop stressing about it altogether.

Daree Allen is an authorpreneur, young adult esteem advocate, speaker, and goal-getter in Atlanta, GA. She has published articles on a variety of topics as a freelance writer and blogger, and is the author of the new teen mentoring book entitled, “What’s Wrong With Me?” in which she discusses her own childhood dealing with self-esteem, premarital sex, family and personal relationships. Find out more about her work at www.dareesinsights.wordpress.com and www.DareeAllen.com.

  1. February 20th, 2012 at 23:00 | #1

    Awesome post, although I am a week late in reading it.

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