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Should’ve-Could’ve-Would’ve Disease

June 12th, 2009 by Will Nesbitt Leave a comment Go to comments

Many people don’t know this about me (well, they will now), but I suffer from a very serious disease. I don’t know when I contracted this disease nor do I know from whom. But I know that each day I allow it to go untreated is another day wasted and quite possibly draws me even closer to the inevitable.

I currently suffer from “should’ve-could’ve-would’ve” disease. It’s a deadly virus that eats at me each day of my life. Jay-Z said in ‘Reasonable Doubt’ that you ‘gotta learn to live with regrets’. Recently, he explained that the song deals with knowing what you have to do and to be prepared to deal with the consequences or the outcome of your decisions….good or bad. You have to be able to live with regrets. You have to be able to live with the shoulda’s, coulda’s, or woulda’s.

I can tell you of numerous opportunities I’ve missed because I failed to move beyond my comfort zone. Some will swear up and down that I’m lying, but this is the truth….I really am a shy person. I’ve gotten better than I used to be, but it’s still there. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when the moon is in a certain position that I can be the life of the party, but other times….yeah, I will shut down. I look back and my shyness has kept me out of trouble many a time….but other times, it kept me from taking advantage of an opportunity that was staring me in the face. And each day, I think “Man, I shoulda did this….or I coulda done that….I woulda had this had I only….”

One thing that I’ve learned is that forgiveness isn’t just what you give to others. It’s something you have to accept for yourself first. Because if you can’t forgive yourself for your mistakes, then you can’t possibly begin to forgive anyone else for theirs. This is why the Lord’s Prayer first states ‘forgive US our trespasses’. It’s about seeking forgiveness for self first. You cannot give what you do not have or have not received.

Forgive yourself for what you have done and what you may not have done. Forgive yourself for opportunities you’ve missed or messed up. Learn from that and do things differently. I used to look back at certain things and see myself as a failure in some things and successful in others. But now, I’ve become comfortable with believing that there is no success or failure….just results. You get out what you put in. Action/Reaction. Cause/Effect. It’s science.

We all have our comfort zones. Those self-imposed limitations we dare not go beyond. I have quite a few of them. However, in an attempt to evolve even further in different areas of my life, I realize that I have to push myself beyond these limits. If you watch closely, then you’ll see the results of these changes.

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